happy post

one of my fren said to me "carmen, please stop putting sad posts on your blog, it sounds like my love life is like a dark cave." so i promised him, i'll put more happy posts from now on :) soo i will 

for a long time, i said "life is so hard, life is full of sadness" n i juz keep loooking back into all my sad pass... there's something people say tht i agree " YESTERDAY IS A HISTORY,  TOMORROW IS A MYSTERY, BUT TODAY IS A GIFT". I totally agree, no one can promise u tht tomorrow will come, u will still be alive, so make every single day of yours a good and happy one :) i havent in the past, but will from now on. 

A lot of ppl say "stop looking back to the past, look in the future" i agree, but at the same time, i dont, sometimes, just sometimes, u have to look back to your past and realised what you've done was really stupid, so u'll never do the same in the future. sometimes, u look at your past and remembered some lessons life had taught u, so u wont make the same mistakes in the future :)

and theres also something i would like everyone tht read this post to remember, including myself, when u feel love is lost, then wait for it, let love find u, not u finding love :) n never rush into a relationsship. sometimes u go out wiv someone in a rush because u felt lonely, n u might gave them ur first kiss, which then u regrected cuz tht wasnt the right person, so please, never rush to a relationship :) and if u ever said "i hate love" or "love is so sad" (cuz i did ) well, we were wrong. in the future, please remember this " LOVE DOESN'T HURT, ISN'T SAD. REJECTION IS. BREAKING UP IS. LOSING SOME1 U LUV IS.  BUT LOVE ISN'T."  :) thank you for reading :) xxx

no matter what i do... :'(

No matter what i do or how hard i try to forget u...i juz cant.. :'( 
i love u n i love u n i love tht bout, n this boy, GOD  y cant i juz stop luving ppl???? @.@

worst day ever

Today, its one of the worst day ever... i felt tht some of my frens r betraying me, yes, i was wrong. But i couldnt help myself thinking tht cuz they've betrayed me so many times...no one understand unless they hhave atually experienced this...
crying now, but who would understand?
crying now, but who would stop me from crying?
crying now, but who could cheer me up?
crying now, but who is it tht is willing to help me?

a lot of ppl would help, but wouldnt be able to, a lot of ppl juz wouldnt care about me.... :'( 

letting go....

He doesn't love me, so im moving on... also, i still remember my wish, im still trying my hardest - to make everyone around me happy (those that are nice to me) ...if my best fren fancy the same boy as i do, i will let go and wish them happiness, ill help them to be together, even though it hurts, even though it brings tears, to make my wish come true, i will have to suffer a bit.  But i think its worth it, especially for my best fren :)
i said to her and him i dont love him anymore, if i say i dont luv someone i use to kuv suddenly, its a lie, cuz i cant possibly forget him tht easily...i luv u, yet i hate u... :'( 

curious....

i met this twin brother in my sunday chinese school and they hate each other for some reason, i know its none of my business, but im really curious why....?

oh no....

i luv the same person as one of my best fren! :( this is not gd...at all....but i luv him lots though.....should i give up on fren or luv? probably luv....

:'(

Ive alaways said to myself tht ive regreted of not telling gareth my feeings b4 sophie kirk did, but when i wrote him a love letter telling him all the feelings i never had the courage o say to him, he recorded on luke's phone "i really dont want to go out with her!" even if i did tell him my feelings, he doesnt care...it means nuthing to him.....
i kepy saying to myself, stop luving gareth, hes not worth it, but i cant, no matter how hard i try, i juz cant! whenever i close my eyes, i see his image and hear his voice echoing"i really dont want to go out wiv her! i really dont want to go out wiv her" and so on and so on.......
the best thing i can do is fake smile all the time, to the customers tht come to my shop, to my parents, in front of  my frens and especially in front of gareth....
after the love letter thing, he started to avoid me, to make him happy again, and to make me forget him, ive decided to force myself to luv boys tht r nice to me and juz as them out, but i wan 2 do tht after my bday, cuz ive always been seeking 4 a special boy, the first one  to be wiv me for my bday, i thought gareth would b the suiable one, but he doesnt like me the same way i "like" him......

heartbroken yet again...

Finally, I had the courage to ask him out on monday lunch time, but then he pretend he didn't hear me and went off. and then the next day, today, luke told me gareth asked him if i was joking or not, and luke said i wasnt (well, thts what he told me anyway), and gareth said he'll think about it...but then he said no, not really to luke in the morning. At lunch, yet again I asked him out, and yet again he avoided the question. So after school, i asked him out again, and he said we're friends. we're friends. and then he said, y r u so fond of me? so i told me, u cant calculate love.
cuz u cant, love comes and goes, u cant control it....
but the worst thing of all is tht b4 i asked him out, i saw marcia, claudia's sister asking him 4 a hug, n they hugged. I never asked him 4 a hug, and he never hugged me, everytime i see him hugging a girl, not his sister of course, my heart hurts....really hurt. I gave up on him b4,  n then luved him again, gave up, luv again. i wan to give up now, but i dun in a way, should i give  up or not?

gonna hav the courage

On monday, i am going to hav all my courage and ask him out! if he says no or ignores me, ill say its a joke!   

which path to choose

theres this boy tht i fancied since the first time i saw him, but bcuz i didnt hav the courage to tell him how i felt at first, someone else took the chance and they went out, i was really sad then, but i kept my fellings to myself... i still luved him even when he went out wiv tht girl, but in my point of view, even if u cant b wiv the one u luv, as long as u c tht they r happy, ur happy 2...n then someone was really nice to me later on n a sudden luv juz came n i went out wiv him, but then i realised tht actually, i dun luv him tht much, i still luv the first boy...his girlfren cheated on him n they broke up, he was really sad then, n seeing him being tht sad but i was unable to help him, i was upset 2...i still luv him all this time n i broke up wiv my recent boyfren bcuz in my heart, there's still his existance, it seems tht he never left my heart, n never will....but apparently he fancies someone else, but who it is, i do not know....should i move on n juz find a better boy, or believe in miracle, tht if u keep waiting, one day, we will b 2gether? i dun hav the courage to ask him out anymore due to his rejection b4 n rumors tht he fancies some1 else...what should i do? which path should i choose?

boys tht i like

the type of boys tht i like in real life r those tht will actually  fell upset or cry after they break up wiv someone tht they really luv, bcuz tht shows how much they care about the relationship n tht will b a really gd typr of boyfren...

HAPPY BDAY

13th of august= happy bday to my best fren zuzanna!!!!! =D =p <3

rewrite my past

Sometimes i wish i could rewrite my past n change the things ivve done wrong, and choose the right path....but thts impossible, thts y from now on, ill make sure i wont do anything tht will make me regret, bcuz i cant go back in time n rewrite my past....

 

rewrite my past

Sometimes i wish i could rewrite my past n change the things ivve done wrong, and choose the right path....but thts impossible, thts y from now on, ill make sure i wont do anything tht will make me regret, bcuz i cant go back in time n rewrite my past....

proposal

today, ive asked luke abut how he would propose to a girl and he said that he'll bring me back to the school field to remind us what we've been through in the past and he would hire some animls and ill hav to find one with the ring on and when i did, he will go on one knee and ask will u marry me?

i really hope that person will be me, cuz its so romantic! <3  ill try my best to not let our relationship end....its hard to me cuz i get jealous really easily...n thts not a gd thing....but ill try my best not to get jealous!!! =]

=]

went to town last wednesday wiv luke, zuzanna n toni!!!! had fun!!! 
but would hav been etter if sachin, claudia n ophelia could come tooxxx
=]

HAPPY =]xx

happy 2day cuz its sports day n more importantly, i get to c luke!!!!

excited 4 tomorrow!!!

i cant wait till tomorrow cuz im going to c luke!!!! :D 
and of cuz...its sports day n i luv sportsxxx :)

sad =[

yesterday, today n tomorrow, im going to b really sad.... cuz im not going to see him 3 days in a row....!!!
:'(missing him....

one of the best day of my life!!!

14th of July 2011 
today is  one of the best day of my life cuz im going out wiv Luke!!!
i hope our relationship will last  long or even FOREVER!!! =]

what have i done? sad, guilty n angry!

I've texted him saying that im going to give up on him bcuz he's upsetted me twice in a row...
but what i actually wanted to do was to step out of the relationship between him and his girlfriend...
what he txted me back txted me feel, sad and angry...

he said " do u know how terrible i feel u said tht! i hope ur happy cuz im going to dump her ASAP!"

as soon as i saw tht message, i felt tht he's angry wiv me n WHAT HAV I DONE???? is he dumping her cuz of what i said??? i felt really stupid n guilty!

but the second part of the txt really makes me angry! he said "i hope ur happy cuz im gonna dump her ASAP"

if i ever breaks ppl realtionship, i will never feel happy! NEVER! if i wanted to break them up, i wouldn't hav helped them to go bck out when tht misunderstanding thing happend b4, would i?

feel abandoned, angry n sad... :(

He promised me that he will be in my group for friday's trip and go on roller coaster, pirate ship n other rides wiv me....
but on thursday, he told me that he will be in his girlfriend's group...yes, it's cuz she's his girlfriend and im not, but i hav feelings 4 him and that really upset me... :'( 
and finally, we're on the trip...i texted him to go on pirate ship wiv me, but when i lined up for it, i realised he already went on wiv his girlfriend and not me, he went on roller coaster wiv her too and basically, he went on every single rides wiv her, not me when he promised he will!!! whenever i c him in the trip, he asks me are u having fun? well, i really want to tell him NO! cuz he broke his promises!!!!!
he has upsetted me twice in a row! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jealous n sad...

when he said to me, she's prettier than me, i can feel my heart breaking in pieces...
even when he chat wiv her on facebook, i can feel jealously rushing up....
sometimes we hav fun together, but sometimes he doesnt care about me... and tht really hurt my feeling... :'(

guilty...

ive been accused of stealing someone's boyfren today and they might split up... if they do, i will feel guilty 4 liffe.... :'( i shouldn't have been tht close to him, can a girl and a boy not be normal frens? what's wrong wiv them ppl????? :'(

lonely....:'(

I feel so lonely.... seeing ophelia wiv a boyfren makes me sooo jealous!!!! AAAhhhh!!!

rejected once again

dean said no to me....this is the third time that ive been rejected by boys, i have lost nearly all my confidence in luv now... :'(

dunno who i luv...

i think i fancy 3 ppl; alex, gareth & dean...

i miss the time ive spent wiv alex when we were going out and i feel regreted of breaking up wiv him...

i always hav alot of fun wiv gareth, all the time, we hav soo much in common...

dean has always been really nice to me and he's really cute, he also play the piano like i do...

I wonder if my heart will be broken tomorrow or will it be the most fantastic day ever?!?!....

A SECRET PERSON SAID HI!!!

it's sachin....

I miss him...

I really miss him. I think i love him again, i regreted that ive broke up with him, when i read back the messages weve sent each other, i cried and cried and i juz miss him soo much...

do i still luv him???

I'm trying really hard to stop loving him and i thought i stopped loving him already. Until, today at lunch time, he got hit by a football in the face and i was really worried! I ran up to him and i shouted at the year 11 boy who kicked the football without even thinking, he could have banged me out easily, but luckily, he was a nice person.
 I shouted' WHO KICKED THAT?! SAY SORRY NOW!'  why though? i thought i dont luv him, why did i worried so much? why did i shouted at a year 11 boy without thinking for him??? why...?

happiness

Life is full of happiness and sadness, but there's not many days in life, u could die the very next day of a car accident or something, so, try making every day of your life happy. when u feel regret that u didnt make your day happy today, its too late, u cant change anything...
so...be happy =] =D

it's not true...

Many people think that im good at many things. Maths, art, p.e, and more... some of my friends really want to be as clever as me, but actually, im not that clever...i might get most of my works correct, i might finish all my works first, but actually, im not as clever as you guys think i am...

Love...

I fancy this boy, but he hurt my feelings too much. I wanted to give up on him, but my friends said that if you don't give up, sometimes you end up the way you wanted it to be...
He went out with this girl, but she cheated on him and they broke up, which causes him to be afraid of going out with other girls...
The first time he hurt my feeling was when my friends asked him out for me and he said he's not ready for another relationship yet. My friends told him that I would never do such things, but I didn't have the courage to tellhim all this myself. I want him to know that i've been cheated by my ex-boyfriend before, and i hate that feeling, therefore i would never cheat on him. And my friends know what my wish is, my wish is to make everyone around me happy...and cheating on someone is not making that person happy, which is another reason why i would never cheat on him. I really want to tell him all this, but i didn't have the courage to...
The second time he hurt my feeling was when i finally have the courage to tell him all this, i asked him if i could have a private talk with him but he didn't want to.... Many of my friends encouraged me to tell him my feelings for him myself and when i finally have the courage to...he didn't want to listen to it....
The third time he hurt my feeling was when my friend said that she thinks one of my crush's friend fancy me and he said that us 2 should go out. The person you fancy asked you to go out with another boy...it really hurt my feeling...
And then the fourth time he hurt my feeling was when he threw a stone at my leg and it hurt me... but the problem is not i've been hurt by a stone, it's that i've been hurt by the person i love.
Some of my friends ask me to forget him, stop loving him, but i can't... you can't control love....